


Even The Good Guys

by keijikeijikeiji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, OUT OF CHARACTER KUROO CAUSE I KNOW HE WOULD NEVER, Platonic Cuddling, but in this he does, chapters r short bc im disappointing, getting cheated on, lots of stellar bff moments, you and bokuto and akaashi are bffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-23 02:21:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17674589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keijikeijikeiji/pseuds/keijikeijikeiji
Summary: “Tetsurou,” you said calmly, “are you cheating on me?”





	1. Chapter One

You and Kuroo had been dating for about six months now.

 

10:25 AM To: Tetsu<3 – I’m almost there!

 

By the time you reached his house he still hadn’t answered. It was a bit unusual, but you figured he was just busy playing a game with Kenma or studying. You knocked on the door a few times before his mom let you in and told you he was upstairs studying.

 

You hung your jacket on the coat rack and went upstairs. When you opened his door you were about to ask if he was ready, but Kuroo wasn’t alone.

 

“Y/n, what are you doing here?” He asked, much too confused for someone who had just made plans only two days ago.

 

Kuroo was sitting on the ground next to a girl whom you assumed he was studying with seeing as there were books and papers scattered in front of them.

 

“Oh, uh, sorry? I thought we were hanging out today? I texted you, you must’ve been busy studying though,” you said awkwardly shifting your weight between your feet.

 

“Oh! I’m so sorry babe I totally forgot I had planned this study session last week. We have a huge project due soon!” He said. 

 

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it! I should have called or something when you didn’t answer, I just thought you were playing a game with Kenma or something. Sorry for interrupting! I can just have Kou come pick me up it’s really no big deal!” You didn’t want Kuroo to feel bad about prioritizing his studies, after all you knew how important school was to him, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy.

 

“Hey, I’ll call you tonight okay? We can reschedule!” He promised. He smiled at you as you nodded and said your goodbye and made your way downstairs and out the door.

 

You began to walk to the park near Kuroo’s house before you realized you had forgotten to grab your jacket. Luckily you hadn’t gotten too far, but when you got back to Kuroo’s house you noticed that his mom’s car was gone, meaning she probably had gone to work.

 

10:43 AM To: Tetsu<3 – Hey I forgot my jacket. Can you let me in so I can grab it quick?

 

10:44 AM From: Tetsu<3 – Yeah! I’ll be right down

 

After about a minute Kuroo opened the door, your jacket in his hand.

 

“Thanks! I’ll see you la-“ you began, but your words got caught in you throat. You could almost hardly see it, but there was definitely a purple bruise on his neck, peeking out from under the collar of his shirt. 

You swallowed hard and sucked in a deep breath, a wave of emotions hitting you all at once. 

 

“Babe? What’s wrong?” Kuroo asked. You met his eyes, he looked worried and confused, and it made you feel sick.

 

“Tetsurou,” you said calmly, “are you cheating on me?”

 

His eyes got wide and his face turned bright red. He was looking at you as if you had just slapped him.

 

“Wh-what? Why would you ask that?” 

 

That was almost the equivalent of a yes as far as you were concerned, but you didn’t say anything. Instead you took out your phone and pulled his shirt collar down to expose the bruise to take a photo and show him.

 

“Wait, y/n, I can explain.” 

 

You didn’t say anything, you just waited there patiently for an explanation that you knew wasn’t coming.

 

“I-I’m sorry, y/n,” he said softly. 

 

“Well, I guess that’s it then,” your voice cracked a bit, but you refused to cry. Not here, not now.

 

He reached out for your wrists, holding them in his hands. His touch felt hot and it made you feel nauseous, not at all how it usually does. “No, please, please don’t y/n. It was a mistake. It didn’t get any farther than that! I promise.”

 

You averted your eyes, because he was looking at you helplessly and he was crying and despite being the one who got cheated on you still felt bad. You still liked him a lot, and you knew that you had to get out of there.

 

“I’m leaving. Please don’t talk to me anymore.”

 

You tugged your wrists out of his hold and turned to walk away.

 

“Please, y/n, please don’t do this. I…I love you.”

 

You stopped in your tracks. You felt your face grow hot and your vision blurred. 

 

“You love me?” You spat, turning around to face him. “You just cancelled plans to cheat on me, and you want to say that you love me? You weren’t even going to tell me. You were just going to toss me my jacket and continue doing whatever the fuck you were doing. You didn’t even look like you felt bad until I pointed it out. And you have the fucking audacity to look me in the eyes and tell me, for the first time, that you love me? Fuck you Tetsu.”

 

You were sobbing at this point. You’ve never cried like this in front of him before, and you’ve never yelled at him like this either.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. You felt him reach out and wrap his arms around you. It felt so familiar and comforting for a second, but you pulled away almost instantly.

 

“Don’t touch me,” you said, shaking your head. You turned around again to make your way to the park, but this time you noticed someone watching you next door. You made eye contact with Kenma for a second before you walked away, leaving Kuroo behind.

 

10:51 AM To: Kou<3 – Please come get me. I’m at the park near Kuroo’s house.

 

10:51 AM From: Kou<3 – On my way.

 

When you got to the park you found the nearest bench and sat down. You hugged your knees to your chest and laid your head on top of them. You could feel tears streaming down your face, but you were trying your best to clear your head, to think about anything else aside from what just happened.

 

You didn’t know how much time had passed, but eventually you heard Bokuto’s voice calling your name.

 

“Hey, hey what’s wrong?” he asked, putting a hand on your back. You raised your head and met his eyes. He immediately sat down and wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tightly.

 

“What happened?” 

 

“It’s okay Kou,” you lied. 

 

“Did you break up?”

 

“…yeah,” you whispered, burying your face in his chest. You immediately let out a sob.

 

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he ran his fingers through your hair and you tightly wrapped your arms around his middle.

 

You just sat there and cried for what felt like forever. Eventually you pulled away and wiped your eyes. They were swollen, and you could tell that your face was splotchy, not to mention the terrible headache you had. It’d been awhile since you last cried like that.

 

“He cheated on me,” you admitted, refusing to meet his eyes.

 

You could see him stiffen up and clench his fists, “What?” he asked. His voice was icy and although you knew his anger wasn’t directed at you it still sent a shiver down your spine.

 

You told him the whole story, not leaving out a single detail. By the end you could tell that Bokuto was furious.

 

“Kou, it’s not worth it,”

 

“Not worth it? Y/n are you joking? I told him. I fucking told him not to hurt you. I made him fucking promise me that he wouldn’t hurt you before I told him I was okay with him dating you.” The last part earned him a glare, “Don’t look at me like that, of course he wouldn’t have asked you out if I wasn’t okay with it, it’s bro code.”

 

You took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. 

 

“I just…I don’t know. I really liked him, I just thought…he…I don’t know,” you trailed. Your thoughts were all over the place. You knew that Kuroo wasn’t a bad guy, Bokuto would have thrown a fit about you two dating if he thought that Kuroo was a bad guy. You just couldn’t understand why.

 

Was this the only time?

 

Did he even like me?

 

Was I not good enough for him?

 

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out those thoughts.

 

“Kou, can we please just go home. I want to take a nap.”

 

“Yeah, of course. Should I call Akaashi? His parents are away for that business trip he was talking about, we could hang out there,” Bokuto asked, getting his phone out before you even said yes.

 

The car ride to Akaashi’s felt longer than it really was, and eventually you drifted to sleep.

 

When you woke up your arms were around Bokuto’s neck and he was holding you up by your thighs. You almost laughed, because of course Bokuto would carry you inside instead of just waking you up. You kept your eyes closed but you could hear Bokuto explaining what happened as Akaashi opened the door to let you inside.

 

“Kaashi he cheated on her. When I got to the park she was sitting on the bench. She cried for like 20 minutes, I’ve known her my entire life and I’ve never seen her so upset.”

 

He carried you upstairs and laid you down on Akaashi’s bed, covering you with the blanket. Your eyes were heavy, and you felt like could go right back to sleep.

 

“Keiji can I borrow a shirt please,” you asked quietly, your eyes still closed.

 

“Of course.”

 

He handed you your favorite shirt of his, the light blue one that you always steal and probably wear more than he does.

 

Bokuto and Akaashi turned around as you changed your top and took off your pants. The shirt reached mid-thigh, so it wasn’t uncomfortable to not wear pants with it around them.

 

“Are you okay? Do you want me to order food?” Akaashi asked once you were done changing.

 

You nodded and told him that you would eat whatever he got before you climbed back into his bed. Bokuto turned on a movie and laid down on one side and when Akaashi returned he laid down on your other side.

 

They didn’t ask you about Kuroo and you didn’t bring it up. You rested your head on Keiji’s shoulder and Bokuto was gently rubbing his hand up and down your arm.

 

About halfway through the movie you heard your phone vibrate on the nightstand beside Bokuto who didn’t hesitate before looking at it for you.

 

“It’s Kenma,” he said, handing you your phone.

 

1:02 PM From: Kenmaaaaa :) – I’m sorry.

 

1:02 PM To: Kenmaaaaa :) – why? You didn’t do anything.

 

1:03 PM From: Kenmaaaaa :) – I know. I’m sorry about him. He’s an idiot. I hit him for you. A lot.

 

You smiled. You and Kenma had gotten along pretty quickly, and you were grateful to have met him through Kuroo.

 

1:04 PM To: Kenmaaaaa :) – Thanks. & yeah, he is. 

 

You handed the phone back to Bokuto who had been not-so-subtly reading your texts over your shoulder. He placed it back on the nightstand and the three of you continued to watch the movie until the food arrived.

 

You woke up around 3 AM with your head buried in the crook of Akaashi’s neck and your arm draped across his stomach. His arm was around your shoulder and Bokuto’s arms were wrapped around your waist. The three of you have been having sleep overs since middle school, but Akaashi usually wouldn’t let you cuddle him without putting up a fight first.

 

You untangled yourself from them and grabbed your phone before you made your way to the bathroom.

 

Tetsu<3 – (3) Missed Calls

 

1:03 AM From: Tetsu<3 – Please talk to me. I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but please.

 

1:27 AM From: Tetsu<3 – I’m so so so fucking sorry. I know that doesn’t change anything but I just want you to know.

 

You took a deep breath, deleted the messages, and changed Kuroo’s contact name. You wanted to block his number, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

 

You washed your face with cold water and dug around the medicine cabinet for some Advil to help ease your headache. Not soon after you found it your phone started to vibrate.

 

Incoming call - Kuroo

 

A knot formed in your stomach. You bit your lip and took a deep breath before deciding to answer it.

 

“Hello?” you said softly.

 

“…Y/n?” 

 

He sounded surprised that you answered.

 

“Can we talk y/n?”

 

“Why? There’s not really anything to say, is there? You’re just going to apologize for something that you can’t change, which you’ve already done a million times, but no matter how many times you apologize, you can’t take it back. It’s done, Kuroo.”

 

Your voice was unusually calm and gentle as you spoke given the situation. 

 

“Please give me another chance. It was a mistake, a stupid, stupid mistake.”

 

You could tell that he was crying. His voice was cracking, and you could hear him sniffling through the phone. 

 

“You should have thought about that earlier Kur-“

 

“Stop calling me that. You don’t call me that. You didn’t even call me that before we dated.”

 

You’ve never heard him sound so broken. You could feel hot tears run down your cheeks. He was right, you called him Kuroo for maybe two weeks after you met, but ever since then it’s been Tetsu. 

 

You wished that you could go back and change what happened. You so desperately wanted to give him a hug and make everything okay, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t do that to yourself. You weren’t really one for second chances when it came to things like this. Because, if he truly cared about you, he wouldn’t have cheated on you in the first place. That was something that you had to learn that the hard way.

 

“I have to go,” you said, wiping your eyes. Your voice came out much quieter than anticipated.

 

“Wait! Wait, please,” he pleaded. “Do you think we could ever be friends again?”

 

You let out a shaky breath and bit your bottom lip.

 

“Yes, Kuroo. I still care about you, I always will, so I’m sure that once I’ve gotten over this, I’d be more than happy to be friends again. Just friends, though.”

 

There was no response for a while, just sniffling and uneven breathing.

 

“Okay. Goodnight, y/n.”

 

“Goodnight, Kuroo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add more to this! Maybe something from Kuroo's POV, I'm not sure!  
> tumblr: mmm-keiji


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I fucked up so bad Kenma.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I know, Kuroo.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I loved her so much, I-I don’t know why I…”
> 
>  
> 
> “I know, Kuroo.”

After you calmed down, you made your way back to Akaashi’s room. The two boys were still fast asleep, which didn’t surprise you at all, they’d always been heavy sleepers.

 

You and Bokuto have been friends basically ever since you were born. Your mothers were best friends, thus you and Bokuto inevitably became best friends as well, despite you being a year younger than him. When you got into middle school you met Akaashi, whom you had class with. You immediately took a liking to him and that same day you had introduced him to Bokuto after school. Ever since then the three of you have been practically inseparable.

 

You rummaged through Akaashi's drawers to find a pair of sweatpants. You weren't particularly tired anymore, so you made your way downstairs to watch some TV to get your mind off of things.

 

**POV SWITCH**

 

Kuroo, for lack of better words, felt like shit. 

 

After getting off the phone with you he couldn't go back to sleep. How was he supposed to be able to sleep knowing he had just ruined his relationship with three of his closest friends, one of them being his girlfriend, because of a stupid, stupid mistake?

 

Not that there was anyone to blame but himself, though. He should've never done it. He should've stopped it sooner than he had. He should've never allowed it to happen in the first place. 

 

He didn’t have an excuse for his actions, because there wasn’t one. Even he didn’t know what had been going through his head when he let another girl kiss him. He meant it when he said he loved you but looking back he realized how manipulative it sounded to tell you at such a shitty time. That hadn’t been his intention, he had just wanted to express how much he cared for you and how truly sorry he was, but yet again he had fucked up.

 

4:02 AM To: Kenma - can you come over?

 

He knew that Kenma wasn't happy with him either. He had seen you two arguing from his house, and when he came over and Kuroo explained what happened, he had punched him a few times and said, “You’re an idiot, Kuroo.”

 

“Kenma was right,” he thought out loud, “I am an idiot.”

 

4:04 AM From: Kenma – yea. 

 

Kuroo didn’t make any effort to get up, Kenma knew where the spare key was after all. He just stared at his ceiling, trying his best to drown out his thoughts. 

 

Tears silently rolled down his cheeks, but he made no effort to wipe them away. Kuroo didn’t know how much time had passed before he felt the bed dip beside him.

 

“I fucked up so bad Kenma.”

 

“I know, Kuroo.”

 

“I loved her so much, I-I don’t know why I…”

 

“I know, Kuroo.”

 

Minutes passed like hours as the two laid in silence. Occasionally Kuroo would sniffle, but they didn’t say much else.

 

“Kuroo,” Kenma said, turning his head to face him.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Why did you do it, if you loved her?”

 

Kuroo let out a loud sigh. This was the question he’d been asking himself all day. Why did he allow some other girl to kiss him? He had noticed that she was flirting with him, he wasn’t blind, but he hadn’t reciprocated. He had no interest in her whatsoever, he had even completely forgotten that they had a tutor session scheduled with her that morning, which was why he had made plans with you. So why had he let her kiss him? Why had it taken him as long as it did to tell her to stop? Why did he have to fuck up so terribly?

 

“Kenma, I wish I knew. I’ve been trying to figure this out all day.”

 

“Were you scared?”

 

Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows at the question. “Uh, I don’t think I understand.”

 

“Kuroo, you ruin things for yourself all the time, things that are out of your comfort zone or things that make you anxious. Like that time you finally got that job interview and you ‘forgot’ to set an alarm that morning, even though you set it every single day. Or when you were a shoe-in for that scholarship, but when you found out you’d have to give a speech about it to the student body, you coincidentally forgot when the deadline was to submit your application and you ended up missing it. It’s the same thing. You didn’t like that girl. You weren’t attracted to her. So why did you kiss her? Because you were scared? Because you were in love with her and you didn’t want to admit it to yourself? Because you graduate and go to college in two months and you’ll be leaving y/n behind? You know you’re really not going to be that far away. It’s not like you go to the same school now anyway, so how different would it really have been?”

 

Kuroo was staring at Kenma in surprise. He wondered how long he had been waiting to get that off his chest, and he wondered if Kenma had a point. Kuroo admitted to purposely missing out on some opportunities that made him anxious, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to agree with Kenma because he thought he was right or if it was because Kenma was offering him an out that he hadn’t thought of himself. 

 

“Kenma, I don’t know, okay? I don’t know.”

 

“Kuroo, you told me you were in love with her two months after you two started dating, but you never told her until it was already too late. Did you ever think about why?”

 

“Well, yeah, it just felt like it was too soon, I just didn’t want her to…to…I don’t know,” Kuroo admitted, mumbling the last part.

 

“Leave? Reject you?”

 

“Yeah,” he whispered, “exactly.”

 

“So you didn’t want to tell her you loved her because you thought she would leave but you cheated on her?” Kenma deadpanned.

 

Well, when he put it like that, Kuroo realized just how stupid he really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> World's shortest update just because I wanted to get it out here. I realized a little too late that I didn't add any backstory about you/bokuto/akaashi's friendship in the first chapter so i added it in the beginning of this one lolol. Anyways, I'm going to be trying to make the updates a little longer now that I got the initial story out there! Sorry if you hate extremely short chapters I know I do lmao.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m still mad at you.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I know, I’m sorry,” he said softly, his hands finding their way to your hips.
> 
>  
> 
> “I still can’t take you back.”
> 
>  
> 
> His grip tightened a bit.
> 
>  
> 
> “I know.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I’m still in love with you, though.”

You weren’t sure how much time had passed before Akaashi joined you on the couch.

 

“What are you doing up already?” You asked, not taking your attention away from the screen.

 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

 

“I couldn’t sleep,” you hadn’t intended it to come out as a whisper, but it did. You fiddled with your phone in your hands, realizing that your wallpaper was still a picture of you and Kuroo. He was crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue and you were laughing at him.

 

“I hate this Keiji,” you said as tears yet again found their way to your eyes.

 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

 

Akaashi threw an arm around you and you leaned your head against his shoulders and let the tears silently fall.

 

Sure you and Kuroo only dated for six months, but you have been friends for almost two years. That’s what hurt so much, because Kuroo wasn’t just your boyfriend, he had been one of your best friends before you dated, so the fact that he would do this to you made the pain ten times worse. 

 

You knew that you couldn’t eliminate Kuroo from your life, no matter how difficult that would make things, you shared the same friends after all. You would see him when you went to visit Bokuto at college next year, seeing as they were going to be roommates. You would likely see him if you ever wanted to hang out with Kenma, or at the very least have to pass his house. There was no way around it, you couldn’t avoid him even if you wanted to.

 

**POV SWITCH**

 

“What do I do, Kenma?” Kuroo asked. He was currently laying with his head in Kenma’s lap and Kenma was playing with his hair. It had been a few days since he last talked to you and it was driving him crazy. 

“Honestly, I don’t know Kuroo. I don’t think Bokuto would ever let you near her again.”

 

Well, that wasn’t really what Kuroo wanted to hear, even though he knew Kenma was right. 

 

“I know…I know I deserve it but…I don’t know. Do you think I should try talking to her? Or should I leave her alone like she asked? I want to respect the fact that she asked me for space, but I also want to talk to her about this. I know I don’t deserve to explain myself, not that it would change anything, but I still want her to know.”

 

He had tried giving you the space that you asked for, but it was difficult. He almost texted you every day, but he stopped himself. He didn’t want to piss you off any further than he already had, but it was very difficult for Kuroo. He could hardly sleep, and he was barely hungry anymore. Practice was a good way to get his mind off of you, but as soon as it was over you flooded his thoughts once again.

 

Lev asked about you the other day and Kuroo almost broke down in the locker room. It had been Kenma who told him that you to had split up.

 

_“Oh…sorry Kuroo-san, I didn’t know.”_

_“It’s okay Lev,” Kuroo said quietly. He was facing his open locker, but he was looking at the ground._

_“Uh, why don’t you guys go get started with warm-ups, I’m just going to use the bathroom quickly and I’ll be right out,” Kuroo suggested, hoping they’d just leave and not question him. Thankfully they did._

_When he was alone he tossed his shirt in his locker and slammed it shut and sat on the bench with his head in his hands, tears silently running down his cheeks._

_Stupid. He was so fucking stupid._

_A few minutes later he wiped his eyes and joined his team for practice. He knew his eyes were red, but no one said anything._

 

“I want to see her,” Kuroo mumbled. He didn’t deserve to see you, and he knew you wouldn’t want to see him either.

 

“I don’t think that’d be a good idea, Kuroo.” Kenma said, removing his hand from Kuroo’s hair. He could feel Kuroo stiffen beneath him. “I just…I don’t think she’d really…wanna see you,” he added quietly. 

 

Ah, always so honest, no matter how much it hurt.

 

**POV SWITCH**

 

You were currently walking to Kenma’s house, your eyes concentrated on the sidewalk. You were listening to music and trying your hardest to not pay attention to your surroundings. It might have worked, it almost did actually, until you felt yourself collide into something, or, much to your horror, someone.

 

“Sorry, I…wasn’t payin-“ 

 

You felt a knot immediately form in your stomach as your eyes moved from gray sweatpants up to a black t-shirt and eventually met all-too-familiar hazel eyes that seemed surprised to see you.

 

You took a step back and your eyes involuntarily scanned Kuroo once more. He looked awful. He had dark bags under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in days and his hands were shaking a bit by his side.

 

“Are you okay? You look sick,” you asked, momentarily forgetting about everything that had happened. You reached up to brush his hair out of his face, but he moved away from your touch.

 

Okay, that hurt.

 

He must’ve been able to tell that he hurt your feelings because he was quick to apologize.

 

“Sorry. I, yeah, I guess I haven’t been feeling very well. No big deal,” he mumbled, averting his eyes away from yours and shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

Seeing Kuroo felt odd. You were upset with him but seeing him like this just made you want to hug him tightly and not let go. You wanted to force him inside and take a nap with him, but you also wanted to leave and never see him again.

 

“I miss you,” you heard yourself say. 

 

He looked at you just as surprised as you felt. You hadn’t meant to say that out loud, you were just thinking it.

 

“Really?” he asked, his cheeks turning pink.

 

You offered him a small nod in return. 

 

Kuroo looked like he had something he wanted to say but couldn’t bring himself to say it. Part of you hoped he didn’t, because he looked so sad, and it’d be hard to say no to him.

 

“Well, I should go,” he said.

 

Oh.

 

“Yeah, okay, yeah, of course. I uh, probably should too.”

 

You started to walk past him but stopped when you felt his hand on your shoulder.

 

“Wait, wait, can we talk tonight? Please? I assume you’re going to Kenma’s, but after that, if you want to, can we please talk?”

 

He sounded so desperate and you didn’t even have to turn towards him to know he was looking at you with sad puppy dog eyes. 

 

You didn’t say anything for a moment, but you had told him that you wanted to eventually be his friend again, so what harm could talking do?

 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll text you,” you said, turning around to face him.

 

“Great. I’ll see you then…thank you,” he smiled softly at you and removed his hand before making his way to the car.

 

Once you got to Kenma’s, you laid down in his bed beside him and told him what had happened. 

 

“Are you going to get back together with him?”

 

“What? Kenma, no, don’t be stupid. He cheated on me. I just think that there’s no harm in letting him say what he wants to say. He was one of my best friends after all, and I did tell him that eventually I’d like to be friends again. I just figured that the sooner we overcome this, the sooner everything can go back to normal.”

 

“Hmm. So you don’t want to get back together?” Kenma asked. 

 

“No. I mean, yes, don’t get me wrong. I would love more than anything to be able to just forget about what happened and go back to how things were. But I won’t. I’ve gotten back together with someone who cheated on me before, and they just did it again. I felt stupid enough getting back with someone who cheated on me in the first place, but then to them cheat on me again was even worse. I know Kuroo’s a good guy Kenma, I just think that if he really liked me, he wouldn’t have cheated on me in the first place. It’s unfortunate, because I was really in love with him, but I just don’t think I could put myself through that again. I don’t think I’d be able to trust him again, and I think that my not being able to trust him would just drive us apart again later on, you know?” 

 

“You were in love with him?” 

 

You let out a breathy laugh.

 

“Kenma, I was in love with Kuroo before he even properly asked me on a date. That’s why it’s too bad that things happened the way they did. I really thought…I don’t know,” you trailed off. There was no point in bringing it up, it wasn’t going to happen.

 

Kenma nodded. “Well, yeah, I see what you’re saying, about the whole heating thing. It really is a shame. He was in love with you, though. He’s just an idiot.”

 

You nodded in agreement but didn’t say anything, instead you turned your attention to your phone while Kenma flipped through channels looking for something to watch. 

 

You didn’t want to think about what Kenma said, but you made a mental note to ask Kuroo about it tonight.

 

“Nice background,” Kenma snidely commented, looking over your shoulder. It was still that picture of you and Kuroo. You hadn’t changed it, it was your favorite picture of you two.

 

“Pick something to watch quickly,” you said, putting your phone on the bed beside you and ignoring his chuckle.

 

The time spent with Kenma was quiet. You two watched TV on his bed for a little, and then eventually he showed you some new game that he had started. It was just like it had always been.

 

It was 8:30 PM by the time you left Kenma’s. 

 

You made your way over to Kuroo’s house nervously picking at the case on your phone. You didn’t know what Kuroo wanted to talk about. 

 

What if he just wanted to tell you that he was moving on or something? 

 

What if he decided he didn’t want to be friends anymore? 

 

What if he had a girlfriend?

 

You paused in front of his door and took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down, before you finally knocked.

 

“Hi,” you said, looking up to meet his eyes when he opened the door. 

 

The corners of his lips turned into a small smile and you could feel the nervousness from before multiplying. He was so cute, and you missed him so much, and this was not fair whatsoever, and you felt like you were going to cry.

 

“Hi.”

 

He led you up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door behind him. You took a seat at the foot of his bed, sitting with your legs crisscrossed.

 

He sat at the head of the bed with his legs pulled to his chest and looked at you.

 

For a few minutes, neither of you said anything. You could feel his eyes on you, and you turned your attention to his walls.

 

“I just wanted you to know that I’m really sorry. I know I’ve said it a million times, but I wanted to tell you in person,” he finally said.

 

Your eyes flickered to his as he spoke.

 

“Thank you,” you said. Not necessarily because you meant it, but you just didn’t know what else to say. Was that really what he wanted to talk about? Surely not. 

 

“I just…yeah-“

 

“Kuroo did you love me?” you asked, cutting off whatever he was about to say.

 

He looked a little taken aback. 

 

“Like, actually love me? You didn’t just say it to try to get me to stay?”

 

“No, no, of course I meant it. I’m very much in love with you. I told Kenma like two months after we started dating that I loved you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until then, I didn’t mean for it to seem like I was just saying it so that you wouldn’t leave,” he replied quickly.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you tell Kenma, but not me?”

 

Kuroo sighed. “I just, I didn’t want to tell you and you not feel the same way. I don’t know. I thought maybe you would think it was too soon or something. I thought it might have freaked you out and you would’ve broken up with me.”

 

“Kuroo, you didn’t want me to break up with you, but you ch-“

 

“I know. Kenma already said the same thing. I’m sorry. I know I’m an idiot, I know I ruined everything, and I’m sorry. Please, please don’t think that this had anything to do with you, because it didn’t, you’re perfect and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better. I didn’t ever cheat on you before, and I never planned on it. I love you so, so much and I guess I was scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way, and I just really, really fucked up.”

 

You could see that he was crying, and all your rational thinking flew out the window. You got up and walked over to his side, gently pushed his knees so that his legs were flat on the bed and threw one of your legs over his. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist as he buried his face against your neck. You could feel his tears against your skin, and a few of your own fell as well.

 

“I was in love with you too, dummy, I wouldn’t have left you,” you whispered. Your fingers gently combed through his hair and you could feel him wrap his arms around your waist as he cried.

 

Fuck. Why did he have to be so stupid? You wanted to forgive him, but you felt like you’d be letting yourself get walked all over yet again. 

 

“I know,” he said, pulling back to wipe his eyes. “I know you wouldn’t have done that. That’s why it was such a stupid and irrational thought.” He reached up and wiped your tears away with his thumbs.

You placed your hands on top of his and shut your eyes.

 

“You make this so hard,” you whispered. 

 

Why couldn’t it have been anyone else? Why’d it have to be Kuroo? Kuroo, your best friend who you admittedly had a crush on as soon as you met him. Kuroo, the first guy who you truly felt like you were in love with. Kuroo, who you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with. Why him?

 

You opened your eyes and wrapped your arms around his neck once more, resting your forehead against his.

 

“I’m still mad at you.”

 

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said softly, his hands finding their way to your hips.

 

“I still can’t take you back.”

 

His grip tightened a bit.

 

“I know."

 

“I’m still in love with you, though.”

 

He pulled you closer and you could see his eyes flicker to your lips. You wanted to kiss him, of course you wanted to, but you couldn’t. Instead, you gently kissed his cheek and crawled off his lap to lay beside him.

 

“I just wanna be friends again. I’m tired of being mad at you, I’ll leave that to Kou and Keiji,” you said, leaning your head against his shoulder.

 

“Ugh, they hate me, don’t they?” he groaned.

 

“Oh, yeah. They’re still mad, but it’s Kou and you know he loves you so when I tell him I’m not angry anymore he probably won’t be either.”

 

“What about Akaashi?” he asked, slinging an arm over your shoulders.

 

“Yeah, good luck with that one. He barely liked you in the first place,” you joked, earning you a glare, “I’m only kidding. Kinda.”

 

You took out your phone to check the time, it was almost 10:00, which meant you should have left about half an hour ago.

 

“Mmm, cute pic,” Kuroo teased, looking over your shoulder.

 

“Shut up Tetsu.” You hit his chest lightly and he smiled. Things were feeling like normal, or at least like how it was before you two started dating.

 

“Uh, not to sound weird or anything, but you can stay if you need to. I can sleep on the couch, it’s just getting late and all,” he offered. 

 

You knew he was right, you didn’t particularly want to take the train by yourself at 10:00 PM. 

 

“Uh, yeah okay, thank you.”

 

You knew that you could easily just go sleep at Kenma’s, but you pretended that you didn’t think about that, and so did Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when I said I was going to do longer updates? I lied because I'm a liar. Sorry. This is also very poorly edited and written what's knew?


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bokuto, should I get back together with Kuroo?”

It had been about two weeks since you stayed the night at Kuroo’s and things were slowly going back to normal. You and Kuroo had agreed to trying to be friends that night, but you still weren’t as close as you used to be, obviously. You two didn’t really text much outside of the group chat and you didn’t go out of your way to see each other unless all five of you were going to be doing something, but when you did see each other, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Yeah, it made you a little sad to hang out with him and not hold his hand or have him throw an arm around your shoulder, but it was for the best. You missed being his girlfriend, but being friends was better than nothing.

 

When you had gotten home the next day and explained everything to Bokuto and Akaashi, they had both seemed surprised. 

 

“I’m still going to kick his ass next time I see him, but I’m happy you’re not sad anymore,” Bokuto said, and he had been true to his word. Kenma had suggested the five of you go to the mall the following weekend and Bokuto had punched Kuroo in the gut as a greeting before immediately tackling him into a hug.

 

_“I’m sorry bro, you deserved it, but now we’re good,”_

_“Yeah, okay. I deserved it, you’re right,” Kuroo grunted as he clenched his stomach._

 

Akaashi on the other hand, didn’t seem to forgive Kuroo as easily. Not that they had ever been as close as Bokuto and Kuroo, but you could still notice the tension between them. Akaashi would never admit it, but he was arguably more protective over you than Bokuto was, which is really saying something.

 

As of now, you were laying on Akaashi’s bed with your head dangling over the edge, not so successfully attempting to study for an upcoming math exam.

 

“Keiji, I don’t get it.”

 

“What don’t you get?”

 

“ _Anything_ ,” you groaned, sitting up in order to face him.

 

“I really, really don’t understand how we’re in the same class,” he deadpanned, taking your book out of your hand in order to see what section you were reading.

 

“Keiji, don’t be fucking rude.”

 

He just laughed and scooted closer in order to explain the problem to you. Math wasn’t your favorite, but it wasn’t difficult, you had just been having trouble concentrating in class the past few weeks, so you hadn’t learned the material as well as you would’ve liked.

 

“Does that make sense?” He asked once he’d finished marking up the page in your book.

 

“Yeah, I guess so, but I need to take a break now,” you said, closing your book and laying down.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright? You’re still not acting quite like yourself,” Akaashi said, laying down beside you.

 

“I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been thinking a lot about it, which is annoying. It’s starting to get on my nerves,” you admitted, staring up at the ceiling. “I just keep wondering if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m just being stubborn, you know? Like, I know he’s not that kind of guy, but like, what if we try again and things don’t work out? It feels like a lose-lose situation,” you said, turning your head to look at him.

 

“But what if they do?” he asked, turning his head so that he was looking at you too. “Listen, you and Kuroo-san are perfect for each other, you’re like, almost the same person. You keep saying that you know that what he did doesn’t reflect who he is, and as mad as I am at him, I agree with you. I don’t know what he was thinking, but I’m sure the two of you talked about it, and if you can find it in your heart to try again, I think that you should think about it. I can’t stand to see you like this.” 

 

You still had no idea what you wanted to do. Every choice had a ‘what if’ and you didn’t want to have to deal with the ‘what ifs’. You just wanted things to be normal again, but it wasn’t that easy, no matter how much you wished that it was. 

 

“Listen, y/n, if this was absolutely anybody else, I would tell you to forget about them. I would say that they weren’t worth your time and that you shouldn’t look back. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I’m only offering my opinion.”

 

You sighed and rolled over onto your stomach, burying your face into Akaashi’s shoulder.

 

“I wanna scream,” you mumbled. Were you making this harder than it had to be?

 

“Everything’s going to be fine. It’ll all work out in the end.”

 

“Keiji what should I do?” You asked, raising your head to look at him.

 

“I can’t decide that for you. I already gave you my opinion, but I won’t outwardly tell you what to do. It’s like I said, if you can find it in yourself to forgive him, great, but you have to decide for yourself whether or not you can.”

 

He was never any help.

 

You’ll just have to ask Bokuto.

 

**POV SWITCH**

 

“Dude, that movie was shit,” Kuroo said as the two were exiting the theatre. Not that they had high expectations in the first place, but nonetheless the movie had been exceptionally bad.

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you wanna get food? I’m starving,” Bokuto said.

 

“Yeah I could eat. There’s a burger pla-“ Kuroo started saying before he was cut off by Bokuto’s ungodly ringtone. He was the only person that Kuroo knew who didn’t have their phone on vibrate.

 

“Ohh, it’s y/n!” Bokuto said excitedly before answering the phone and putting it on speaker and sitting on a nearby bench, Kuroo joining him. “Hey y/n, wh-“

 

“Bokuto, should I get back together with Kuroo?”

 

Kuroo’s head snapped up and he began to vigorously shake his head ‘yes’.

 

“Uh-“ Bokuto began, but you cut him off once again.

 

“I mean, like, I want to. I obviously really want to, but I’m scared that things won’t be able to go back to the way they were before. What if I’m constantly worrying about him cheating on me? Like, he explained everything to me, and I know he’s not like that, but still, I don’t know. What if I can’t trust him? What if things just don’t work out? I don’t know what to do.”

 

Kuroo felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. What if you were right? Had Kuroo fucked up so badly that you wouldn’t ever be able to trust him again? He knew that things wouldn’t be able to go back to normal right away. He knew that he would have to prove to you that you could trust him, but what if you weren’t able to? That thought hadn’t crossed Kuroo’s mind, and now that it had he was starting to question whether or not he was any good for you after all.

 

“What did Akaashi say? You know I’m not really great with advice, and I can’t just tell you what to do, you have to be the one to make the decision,” Bokuto said, glancing up at Kuroo. Kuroo wasn’t sure why he still had the phone on speaker, but he was more than happy to eavesdrop.

 

“I don’t know, I’m in love with him, you know? He’s perfect for me. I really think he’s…like…y’know?”

 

Kuroo felt his cheeks grow hot as a smile broke out onto his face. You were so cute when you didn’t know he was listening.

 

“Yeah, yeah, he’s terrible choice if you ask me, but I get what you’re saying. Listen babe, you just gotta do what you think is best for you, okay? No matter what happens we’ll all be here for you. I gotta go though, I’m hanging out with Kuroo, bye, I love you.”

 

“YOU’RE WITH KU-“ you started, but Bokuto hung up before you finished. Smart.

 

“Dude, why didn’t you take it off speaker?” Kuroo asked after Bokuto stood up and started walking towards the burger place, deciding to ignore Bokuto’s comment about him.

 

“For what? So that you’d pester me for hours after I got off the phone until I told you what she said? You had already accidentally heard the most crucial part.”

 

“Bo, what if she’s right though? What if she can never trust me again?”

 

Bokuto groaned. “Listen. I love you dude, and I love y/n too, but I’m not a relationship expert. I don’t know what to tell you guys. I really think that for everyone’s sake you two should figure this out.”

 

Okay, he had a point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i was just going to post one longer chapter and that was going to be the end, but then i realized it's been over a week since I updated and I felt bad lol. Sorry about that I was so sick it felt like I was on my death bed, but anywyas, there's only one or two more chapters left so that's exciting. Thank you to anyone who left a comment you guys are super sweet and supportive!!! :)

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: mmm-keiji


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